Depression is a mental health condition affecting over 20 million individuals in the US. It causes low mood, and can make people socially withdraw or act more irritable. Individuals with depression may struggle with sleep problems, feelings of worthlessness, and even physical aches or pains.
Depression strains relationships, particularly romantic partnerships, by reducing emotional intimacy, increasing conflict, and causing withdrawal, often leading to a cycle where one partner’s symptoms erode the quality of the relationship over time.
Supporting a partner with depression requires a balance of kindness, patience, and consistency. It’s important to show up and be present without trying to “fix” everything or dismiss their feelings. Knowing when to give space and when to reach out with loving, nonjudgmental support is key to helping your partner feel valued and safe.
How Does Depression Affect Romantic Relationships?
Marital dissatisfaction, fueled by depression and unresolved mental health problems, accounts for nearly 30% of new depression cases among partners. This highlights the toll that unresolved mental health problems can take on both couples [1].
Depressed partners may emotionally withdraw from affection and shared activities, making the non-depressed partner feel rejected or burdened. This can heighten resentment and emotional distance.
Communication breaks down as the depressed individual struggles to express needs or respond to support, resulting in misunderstandings and unmet expectations during daily interactions. Physical intimacy also suffers through decreased libido, avoidance of physical closeness, and disinterest in date nights or couple rituals that once strengthened the bond [2].
Signs Your Partner Struggles with Depression
Depression can cause physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms, and it’s not always noticeable, even to the people we are closest to. Depression may not always appear as “sad” as often portrayed in movies or TV, but it can affect physical and psychological health.
10 common signs your partner may struggle with depression include [3]:
- Disengagement from family, friends, and activities they used to enjoy, such as canceling plans and preferring to isolate or numb themselves with screens instead of socializing.
- Persistent fatigue or low energy that is unusual for them, with difficulty getting out of bed or maintaining daily routines like chores and self-care.
- Expressing feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, or hopelessness, such as criticizing themselves or mumbling about giving up.
- Noticeable changes in behavior or habits, such as neglecting hygiene, changes in eating patterns, or increased irritability.
- Sudden emotional detachment or disinterest in affection and communication within the relationship, contrasted with previous behavior.
- Mood swings that can range from numbness or emptiness to anger and irritability, differing from their usual emotional responses.
- Increased anxiety alongside depression symptoms, such as restlessness, nervousness, or a short temper.
- Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or indecisiveness, impacting their performance at work or home.
- Changes in sleep patterns, including insomnia or oversleeping.
- Guilt, shame, or excessive self-blame, or talking as if they are a burden to others.
What To Do When Your Partner Has Depression
Supporting a partner with depression requires patience, compassion, empathy, and understanding. It’s normal to want to jump in and “fix” or “save” your partner, but this can sometimes only make things worse.
- Educate Yourself: Understanding how depression affects your partner can be key to offering them effective support that supports both of your mental well-being.
- Do Things You Both Enjoy: Remind your partner that depression is only a part of their identity. Encourage them to reconnect with their other roles or interests, and offer to do things with them, such as going for a walk, having a date night, or visiting one of your partner’s favorite places.
- Remind Them You Love Them: Living with depression can be isolating, and many partners may hide their feelings if they feel like a burden. Remind your partner that you care and love them no matter what they are going through.
- Take Care of Yourself: Being the primary source of support for a partner with depression can increase pressure and sometimes cause the other partner to blame themselves. It’s important to understand that you are not the fault of your partner’s depression and to practice self-care or ask for support when you need it.
- Encourage Professional Support: Gently encourage your partner to reach out for professional support. They may benefit from individual counseling, couples counseling, or group therapy.
What Is The Treatment for Depression?
If your partner is struggling with depression, it’s important not to give up hope and continue encouraging them to seek treatment.
Some of the most effective treatment options for depression include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Structured talk therapy that identifies and reframes negative thought patterns and behaviors, helping patients build coping skills to reduce depressive symptoms.
- Medication: Antidepressants like SSRIs balance brain chemicals such as serotonin to alleviate low mood, fatigue, and other symptoms, often used alongside therapy for better outcomes.
- Couples Counseling: Joint therapy for you and your partner that improves communication, rebuilds intimacy, and addresses relational strain caused by depression.
- Ketamine Therapy: Ketamine rapidly targets brain glutamate to disrupt depressive circuits, providing quick relief for treatment-resistant cases.
- TMS Therapy: Non-invasive magnetic stimulation of brain regions underactive in depression to boost mood-regulating activity, effective for those unresponsive to meds.
Evidence-Based Therapies for Depression in Utah
At Maple Mountain, we offer evidence-based therapies that are integrated into personalized, multidisciplinary care plans, ensuring each client receives compassionate support to help them overcome depression.
Our compassionate team can help you verify insurance benefits and set up a personalized treatment plan that meets your unique mental, physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual needs. Contact our admissions team today to find support for you or your partner.
Sources
[1] Bruce, M. L. (1999). Marital dissatisfaction and incidence of major depressive episode in a community sample. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 108(4), 674–678.
[2] Marks, F. (2008). Marital Conflict, Depressive Symptoms, and Functional Impairment. Journal of marriage and the family, 70(2), 377–390.
[3] Furman, W. (2011). Depressive symptoms and romantic relationship qualities from adolescence through emerging adulthood: a longitudinal examination of influences. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology. American Psychological Association, Division 53, 40(1), 123–135.
