Let’s be real, talking about mental health can be scary. For an already anxious person, it can make anxiety even worse. Tapping into such a vulnerable side and sharing with others about such a personal issue can sometimes feel embarrassing or shameful. This could be due to social stigma, family culture or lack of education around mental health. 

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders in the US, affecting over 31% of the population. So why not have more open conversations about this topic? 

Understanding what anxiety is and how it affects health can go a long way in trying to explain anxiety to someone who might not struggle with it. This can make it easier to open-up to loved ones and reach out for help.   

What Is Anxiety? 

Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry or dread that is often accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, stomach problems, headaches and rapid breathing. Anxiety can be a feeling someone gets before a nerve wracking event such as giving a speech or trying something new. 

It can also be a symptom of mental health problems such as depression, OCD, or mood disorders. For someone who struggles with chronic anxiety on a daily basis, they may have an anxiety disorder. 

During moments of anxiety, the stress hormone cortisol is released in the blood. This puts the body into fight or flight mode as if there is danger present. Sometimes people prone to anxiety may have lower tolerances for stress or higher rates of cortisol.  

What Other People Think Anxiety Is Like? 

For some people who have never experienced anxiety before, they may think it is someone being negative or overdramatic. People with anxiety are often told to simply “calm down”, “think positive” or “quit over exaggerating”. 

These kinds of responses can often make people feel more shame or guilt over experiencing anxiety, making them less likely to open up or reach out for help. 

How To Describe Anxiety To Someone? 

Once you have an understanding of anxiety yourself, you can more easily share some personal ways of how it has impacted your life with friends and loved ones. Maybe it’s the reason you have trouble meeting your friends, or putting yourself out there in social situations. 

You could mention how your physical health is impacted, some days it may be hard to get out of bed, experience panic attacks or crying spells, and in some cases even suicidal thoughts during episodes of extreme anxiety. 

Here are a few examples of what anxiety really feels like: 

• An intense stabbing pain in the chest. In some cases anxiety can be so severe it sends people to the emergency room with the fear they are experiencing a heart attack. 

• A voice in the back of someone’s head that criticizes their every move or moment they speak. 

• Feeling like an imposter has taken over your thoughts or body. It’s common for people with chronic anxiety to feel like they have no control of themselves. 

What Doesn’t Help People With Anxiety? 

While the intention isn’t meant to be hurtful, sometimes people with no experience of anxiety may give responses that add more stigma to the condition. These could include:  

• “Stop making the problem bigger than it is” 
• “Just calm down” 
• “You don’t have any reason to be anxious”
• “Think more positive”

These are misunderstandings about anxiety. It is not something that can simply be “controlled” as easily as others may think. You can explain to them how anxiety feels like a daily battle, making basic tasks or socializing pretty exhausting and that you are trying your best to get through it.  

Sometimes the people closest in our lives have the most difficult time understanding why we are anxious. You may be hit with the classic “Everything is fine! What are you anxious about?” 

How To Help Someone With Anxiety 

If you have a loved one that struggles from anxiety, educating yourself on the realities of anxiety can be a great first step in trying to understand what they are going through. Some helpful ways and responses to help someone struggling with anxiety could include: 

• Actively listen and stay compassionate, even if you don’t quite understand. Making someone with anxiety feel valid can go a long way in helping ease the feelings of shame and guilt that often accompany someone with anxiety. This could sound like “I don’t know what you are going through and I may not understand, but I am here to support you”. 

• Let them know it is okay to feel anxious. It doesn’t make them weak or change their character. This could sound like “I know you are going through anxiety right now and it is hard to control, I’m happy to sit with you until the negative thoughts pass”. 

• Ask them what they need rather than telling them what they “should do”. Practices like deep breathing and mediation can be helpful, but it isn’t a magic fix. Try asking your loved one “Is there anything I can do or get for you that may help with what you’re feeling at the moment?”. 

• Keep them company and provide a distraction. Go for a walk, play a game, make a joke, watch a movie or do an activity together that passes the time.  

• Let them know it’s okay to reach out for help. Inform them that if they want, there are therapies, services and medications available that can help manage their symptoms of anxiety. 

Sources 

Anxiety Disorders. National Institute of Mental Health. 
Cortisol as a Biomarker of Mental Disorder Severity. 2021. National Library of Medicine.