Why I Stayed 88.8 Days To Recover

It was an unusually cold May morning the day I left for Maple Mountain Recovery. I don’t know if it was because it was actually cold or if it was because I didn’t have my masks to keep me warm. May 18th, 2018 was the first day that I didn’t wear a mask. Those masks couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, they couldn’t hold back the pain, the trauma, and my addiction.  The moment I walked through those doors, I was greeted with love, with kindness, and especially compassion. Zoe Skyler wrote “for a star to be born one thing must happen; a gaseous nebula must collapse. So, collapse, crumble, this is not your destruction. This is your birth.”  I did have an advantage over those new stars though. I had the love of Maple Mountain Recovery. 

Everything about the Facility was made for the client in mind, from cutting edge therapy modalities, to experientials that allows you to be a kid again, meditations that are actually meditative. They truly are there for you. I was scared of me. I was scared to see me without the masks. The changes were gradual, but I slowly started to get a voice that was real, I was starting to look at myself without self-deprecating thoughts. I was beginning to love myself, a true self. Being honest with myself was the hardest, but the most helpful.  I was taught that trauma, and addiction work synergistically together. I was taught that it is ok to not be ok, that I didn’t have to pretend anymore to be happy, because I genuinely was.

I thought that I only needed 30 days, but I ended up staying 88. 88 days to build a solid foundation for the rest of my life. One of my favorite things to look forward to everyday was the food. Katy is one of the best most considered chefs. her food just like Maple Mountain is nothing short of exceptional. 

I have a lot of work to do but I am confident that with the tools, knowledge, and new-found sense of hope and sense of self that I will be able to face the storms head on without drugs or fear. Maya Angelou wrote, “I come as one but stand as 10,000.” I never really knew what that meant to me. What it means to me now is that there is only one of me, and maple showed me the 10,000 things worth loving, 10,000 things worth fighting for and, 10,000 reasons why I’m worth loving. On an unusually cold morning in May I came as one and maple mountain help me stand as 10,000.